|
This article examines several issues -- stem-cell research, creationism, Terri Shiavo-like situations, teen sex, capital punishment, the English-only movement, and the judiciary -- where opinions are clearly split among conservatives and liberals (Republicans and Democrats) in the U.S., and then presents a hypothetical plan as a way to suggest the traditional conservative views are hypocritical. Stem-cell research: according to an NBC/Wall Street Journal poll, 22 percent of the population thinks extracting stem cells from pre-embryos frozen in fertility clinics is unethical. Bring back federal funding, but those who oppose it can take the appropriate tax cut. The catch is, they agree to forgo any cures stem-cell research might yield: They will have to live with their Parkinson's, diabetes, Alzheimer's or cancer. Creationism: according to NBC, 44 percent of Americans believe that the biblical account of Creation is literally true. Under the new plan, creationists could continue their efforts to wreck science education--but first, they would pledge to abstain from any real-life benefits of evolutionary theory. Terri Schiavo: according to a Fox News/Opinion Dynamics poll, 24 percent of the population worry they'll be allowed to die if their brain turns into boiled squash. Under the new plan, everyone signs a living will, to be updated yearly. Those who opt for life are enrolled in the private squash-maintenance program of their choice--Comatose for Christ, Operation Get Randall Terry on TV, Concerned Women for Zucchini. Teen sex: Every school will offer both abstinence-only and comprehensive sex ed--parents can sign their kids up for the course they prefer. In states with notification/consent laws, parents will remain free to discourage or prevent their daughters from having abortions. The catch is, if they choose this route, they are legally responsible for the total financial support through college of the babies their underage daughters produce.
|
RSS