Abstract

The Rules of Attraction

The article looks at a firsthand account of one woman's desire to be married. Somewhere in my mid-20s, my dream of absolute freedom started to feel like the dream of some other young woman. I started to think about marriage, not like I did a few years earlier--as an antiquated institution that would inhibit my beloved libertinism--but as a desirable, even sexy declaration of my togetherness. This is a world that then turns on the young, successful women it has spawned and tells us, at nearly every turn, that our "clocks are ticking," that "good men" are practically impossible to find and that we had better focus some of those planning skills on our love lives or we are going to miss out on the secret to true happiness: the husband, the kids, the house, not to mention "the most important day of our lives"--the wedding day. A big part of the message, too, is that marriage, and its half-sister, childrearing, are noble, necessary goals that bring a unique, unparalleled satisfaction to women's lives, a sense of worth and accomplishment that is different from, easier to come by and more dynamic than that achieved in the workplace. As Anna Fels shows in her book, "Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women's Changing Lives," after being passed over for promotion, denied credit for a well-executed project or being talked over by boys' and men's voices since preschool, young women are increasingly finding themselves running out of steam in their late 20s. We need more testimonials--like the excellent essay collection "The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage"--that discuss the real challenges faced by women who work and/or mother.