Abstract

Memo From Mars

Presents a satirical comment piece written from the perspective of a visitor to earth who is explaining to another alien his difficulties in updating "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy." As you recommended, I tied a cloth round my head this time, so as to cover the points of my ears--who can forget what a riot they caused last time! But in a recent eon, they evolved. Now pointy ears and heads are commonplace. Instead, it was the head cloth itself that caused the riot. We also need to update the Hitchhiker glossary. May want to reconsider what they mean by that word "freedom." When I visited the land they call "free" this time, I needed a visa to get in and a lawyer to get out. And I was lucky--they're sending anyone they can't categorize to a worm hole in the ozone just south of the Bermuda Triangle. Anyway, I tried to get them to take me to their leader. First I went to the land of Ur, where we had such good eats in the olden days, but it is a very confusing place just now. There is a call for elections that is being resisted by those who say they are holding out for democracy (check meaning of democracy). Everyone told me that the true leader dwelt in the lands to the west, so there I steered my craft. I ended up in the land of Iowa, a fiat patch of turf that makes a lovely landing site, for future reference. Iowa is also home to the 120,000 anointed voters who decide who will be the next leader of the planet.